4th of July

5 am: Three piercing beeps. A smoke alarm goes off in the house. Adrenalin shoots through Mommy's body. Mommy gets up to investigate, but no more beeps incur, and she goes back to sleep at approximately 5:15 am.

5:17 am: Three more piercing beeps. OK, a bum battery in one of the alarms. Which smoke detector is it? Decide to wait for the next set of beeps in the kitchen, a central location in the house.

5:53 am: Three more piercing beeps. Mommy wipes the drool from her face and pulls head off kitchen table. Did the beeps come from the right or the left? Try to discern intervals at which beeps are happening, can't figure it out. Decide to stay standing and awake for next set of beeps. Mommy also realizes that she is the only one awake. Baby, husband, and dogs are snoring. Mommy is not.

6:27 am: No more beeps. Fully awake. Must be the smoke detector over the stairs, the oldest one in the house. Climb on the railing, twist the detector from the ceiling, only to realize that it is not battery operated, but wired into the house's electrical system. Can only deactivate alarm if electrical breaker is turned off. Too tired to care. Go back to bed.

6:29 am: Three more piercing beeps. Mommy still the only creature in the house that has woken up as a result. Stay in bed.

7:02 am: Baby wakes up of own accord. Makes sounds in crib. Decide to ignore. Husband and dogs still asleep.

7:37 am: Baby starts yelling, "HEY, HEEEEEY"

7:45 am: Husband and dogs get up to take care of baby. Let Mommy stay in bed.

8:40 am: Dogs running around house, baby scootering into everything, Daddy trying to keep everybody contained so Mommy can sleep. Mommy finally gets up.

10:03 am: Daddy has gone out to get Mommy coffee. Mommy peels herself off the couch and gets ready to go.

10:47 am: On the way to the new house to paint it. Have packed baby, baby's food, baby's diapers, baby's toys, baby's extra set of clothes, baby's playpen, baby's scooter. Only took forever.

10:49 am: Forgot Mommy's sunglasses. Very unhappy.

12:30 pm: Mommy and Daddy painting new house. Baby very glum in playpen.

12:32 pm: Mommy calls friend to help. Friend totally wants to help and comes right over.

2:00 pm: All adults in house are painting, baby is screaming.

2:02 pm: Take baby for drive to induce sleep. Works. Drive back to new house and immediately induce baby dissatisfaction.

2:30 pm: Baby melt down. Mommy takes baby into yard to play.

2:31 pm: Baby only wants to eat tiny pebbles in front yard. Probably bad for digestive system. Go into back yard to play.

3:30 pm: Daddy and friend have worked like dogs in the house. Daddy scraped popcorn ceilings, friend painted walls and ceilings. Baby opened and closed back gate 463 times, and now bored.

5:00 pm: Everyone exhausted and DONE.

6:38 pm: So called, "Exhausted Baby" back at home, making loud sound effects in crib with pajamas on. Mommy and Daddy eating Whataburger.

8:03 pm: Baby has passed out.

8:31 pm: Three sharp pops in the sky. Dogs start barking.

8:33 pm: Dogs have not shut up.

8:35 pm: Fireworks really begin.

8:37 pm: Dogs bark more. Baby cries.

8:45 pm: Dogs won't shut up. Baby totally awake. "HEEEEEEEEY!" All sorts of high jinks ensue.

10:14 pm: Baby, husband, dogs asleep.

10:18 pm: Mommy wired. Looks for Law and Order rerun.

11:30 pm: Mommy has apparently seen every Law and Order on TV 500 times already.

11:32 pm: Mommy has realized that the smoke detector has not gone off since 6:29 am. Will it go off again tomorrow morning? Oh my sweet goodness, she hopes not.

11:34 pm: One more sharp pop. Mommy has opened a very cold beer.

11:35 pm: To be continued....