4th of July

5 am: Three piercing beeps. A smoke alarm goes off in the house. Adrenalin shoots through Mommy's body. Mommy gets up to investigate, but no more beeps incur, and she goes back to sleep at approximately 5:15 am.

5:17 am: Three more piercing beeps. OK, a bum battery in one of the alarms. Which smoke detector is it? Decide to wait for the next set of beeps in the kitchen, a central location in the house.

5:53 am: Three more piercing beeps. Mommy wipes the drool from her face and pulls head off kitchen table. Did the beeps come from the right or the left? Try to discern intervals at which beeps are happening, can't figure it out. Decide to stay standing and awake for next set of beeps. Mommy also realizes that she is the only one awake. Baby, husband, and dogs are snoring. Mommy is not.

6:27 am: No more beeps. Fully awake. Must be the smoke detector over the stairs, the oldest one in the house. Climb on the railing, twist the detector from the ceiling, only to realize that it is not battery operated, but wired into the house's electrical system. Can only deactivate alarm if electrical breaker is turned off. Too tired to care. Go back to bed.

6:29 am: Three more piercing beeps. Mommy still the only creature in the house that has woken up as a result. Stay in bed.

7:02 am: Baby wakes up of own accord. Makes sounds in crib. Decide to ignore. Husband and dogs still asleep.

7:37 am: Baby starts yelling, "HEY, HEEEEEY"

7:45 am: Husband and dogs get up to take care of baby. Let Mommy stay in bed.

8:40 am: Dogs running around house, baby scootering into everything, Daddy trying to keep everybody contained so Mommy can sleep. Mommy finally gets up.

10:03 am: Daddy has gone out to get Mommy coffee. Mommy peels herself off the couch and gets ready to go.

10:47 am: On the way to the new house to paint it. Have packed baby, baby's food, baby's diapers, baby's toys, baby's extra set of clothes, baby's playpen, baby's scooter. Only took forever.

10:49 am: Forgot Mommy's sunglasses. Very unhappy.

12:30 pm: Mommy and Daddy painting new house. Baby very glum in playpen.

12:32 pm: Mommy calls friend to help. Friend totally wants to help and comes right over.

2:00 pm: All adults in house are painting, baby is screaming.

2:02 pm: Take baby for drive to induce sleep. Works. Drive back to new house and immediately induce baby dissatisfaction.

2:30 pm: Baby melt down. Mommy takes baby into yard to play.

2:31 pm: Baby only wants to eat tiny pebbles in front yard. Probably bad for digestive system. Go into back yard to play.

3:30 pm: Daddy and friend have worked like dogs in the house. Daddy scraped popcorn ceilings, friend painted walls and ceilings. Baby opened and closed back gate 463 times, and now bored.

5:00 pm: Everyone exhausted and DONE.

6:38 pm: So called, "Exhausted Baby" back at home, making loud sound effects in crib with pajamas on. Mommy and Daddy eating Whataburger.

8:03 pm: Baby has passed out.

8:31 pm: Three sharp pops in the sky. Dogs start barking.

8:33 pm: Dogs have not shut up.

8:35 pm: Fireworks really begin.

8:37 pm: Dogs bark more. Baby cries.

8:45 pm: Dogs won't shut up. Baby totally awake. "HEEEEEEEEY!" All sorts of high jinks ensue.

10:14 pm: Baby, husband, dogs asleep.

10:18 pm: Mommy wired. Looks for Law and Order rerun.

11:30 pm: Mommy has apparently seen every Law and Order on TV 500 times already.

11:32 pm: Mommy has realized that the smoke detector has not gone off since 6:29 am. Will it go off again tomorrow morning? Oh my sweet goodness, she hopes not.

11:34 pm: One more sharp pop. Mommy has opened a very cold beer.

11:35 pm: To be continued....

Scooterin'

He would do this all day long if we let him.

Reckless Driving

It's been too long since we posted. Rubber Turkey will try to do better.




Can you tell what body of water that phone ended up in at the end? Yes, I know. Time to move the water bowl.

Scooter Update

The consensus amongst my friends and neighbors has been to liberate Scooter, preferably at night, and whisk him away to our new home when we move this summer. Or to call the Humane Society and tattle on his owners. However, after stalking his residence for the past five days, I don't really think that the kidnapping plan is realistic. It seems that there is always someone home at Scooter's house, and they stay up rather late. Maybe all night from what I can tell. And he lives with a giant black lab that acts as a watchdog and would certainly alert the little druggies to covert activities taking place in the yard.

I did drop by yesterday during daylight hours just to say "hi" to dear old Scooter. He was still wearing the collar that I bought him, and the kids that live in the house assured me that all of their fleabags have now been treated. So if they are making an effort to properly watch after their pack, I would feel really guilty turning them into the authorities.

I'm not saying I'm totally giving up. I mean, if his gate flies open again and I see him running straight into my arms, I certainly won't be returning him a second time. I will just dye him dark brown and give him some blue contacts. Maybe even teach him an accent.

For the full Scooter story, click here, then here.

So The Fleabag Has A Home

When he arrived at our fence, Lola chatted him up and kept him entertained for some time. We kept watching the strange dog at our gate thinking that his owner would call his name and retrieve him at any moment. Didn't happen.

According to our neighbors, he was running around the neighborhood all day. His collar was too tight and broken. No tags. His coat was matted and he was emaciated. Jamil and I thought this dog had been on the street for a while.

We let him into the yard an he and Lola hit it off like old school chums. But we didn't invite him in the house because he had about a gazillion fleas on him.

But what a sweet, gentle dog.

I took him to the vet and got him fixed up with all the goodies that a young fleabag could want. Hart guard, Advantix, flea bath... Then off to the pet store to get him a primo collar.

To make a long story very short, I never stopped looking for his owner. After everyone went to bed, I did every kind of Internet search that I could do on lost fleabags in Austin.

Bingo. Found a hit.

His name is Scooter and he belongs to some pot-smoking, patchouli wearing, faced-pierced twenty-somethings that live right down the street.

Awesome.

We returned him tonight. Guess what the reward is... a free tattoo. Yeah, I can't wait to redeem my free tattoo that will remind me for the rest of my life that I had to return a neglected animal to a bunch of idiots.

Even more awesome.

Here's the ad that made me cry:


Last night, our male German Shepherd/ Yellow Lab mix got out of our back yard and is missing!!! he is probably still in the area, and is not likely to stray very far.

PLEASE!!! if you have found this dog,or have seen him nearby, please call us at either (***) ***-**** or (***) ***-**** .

His name is Scooter, and is un-neutered. He has a hand made leather collar with spikes and O-rings, and has a scar across his nose. He also has distinct black spots on his face.
He is VERY playful and friendly, so if you spot him don't be afraid to pick him up and call us!!! He has no tags. Please call any time day or night!!! Thank you very much!!!!


If you return him to us, we will give you a free tattoo!!! We all work in a professional shop, and will give up to a $120 tattoo!

So This Fleabag Showed Up At Our House

He can read. I know this because he saw the big sign on our front door that says, "A Whole Bunch Of Suckers Live Here."

He has put life back into Lola, who has really been moping since Ginger's been gone.

They do this all day long.

He's handsome, smart, and interesting.


















Quite a catch. I hope we can't find his owner.

Scooter